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Move limericks to limerick file. Sort that and uniq.

This commit is contained in:
mjl 2003-05-08 17:01:04 +00:00
parent 7acf0f4592
commit 386e6f0451
2 changed files with 115 additions and 128 deletions
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117
games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
View File

@ -188,13 +188,6 @@ wants to read.
%
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
%
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
%
A CONS is an object which cares.
@ -213,12 +206,6 @@ damned things is ample.
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-- Ben Franklin
%
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Saracen.
She was not oversexed,
Or jealous or vexed,
She just wanted to make a comparison.
%
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
lantern.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff
@ -257,12 +244,6 @@ architect."
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
%
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
%
A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
@ -381,12 +362,6 @@ A Law of Computer Programming:
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
%
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
%
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing.
-- Alan Perlis
@ -495,12 +470,6 @@ on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed
loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom
do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
%
A new dramatist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
I learn from my spies
He's about to devise
An unprintable three-letter word.
%
A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
@ -754,22 +723,10 @@ in students.
A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
%
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams
%
A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
The system, you see,
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
%
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
getting nervous.
%
@ -3146,13 +3103,6 @@ Dentist, n.:
coins out of one's pockets.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
Despising machines to a man,
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
And ride out by night
In a sheeting of white
To lynch all the robots they can.
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%
Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
the table.
@ -4079,12 +4029,6 @@ granted. If I were you, I'd walk right up and smack them in the face.
Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-- Robert Firth
%
Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the m"obius strip;
The strip revolved,
The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.
%
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when
the little hand is on the ....
%
@ -6955,12 +6899,6 @@ the sucker.
%
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
Or some joker who is slicker,
Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
%
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
%
@ -8335,12 +8273,6 @@ Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking
for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
-- Alan McKay
%
Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
They usually have virgins,
And masculine urgin's,
And other erotic effects.
%
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
%
Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe
@ -11858,13 +11790,6 @@ Swipple's Rule of Order:
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
%
System/3! System/3!
See how it runs! See how it runs!
Its monitor loses so totally!
It runs all its programs in RPG!
It's made by our favorite monopoly!
System/3!
%
Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
@ -13773,24 +13698,6 @@ There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%
There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
The sword that he used
Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).
%
There once was an old man from Esser,
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a College Professor.
%
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
%
@ -13806,30 +13713,6 @@ said, "Look! We're not solving anything like this! The only fair
thing to do is to vote on it." So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97
votes.
%
There was a young lady from Hyde
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented
The apple fermented
And made cider inside her inside.
%
There was a young man who said "God,
I find it exceedingly odd,
That the willow oak tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad."
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
For I'm always about in the Quad;
And that's why the tree,
Continues to be,"
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
%
There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know.
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
%
There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him

126
games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
View File

@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
A computer called Illiac4
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
It chewed up its cards
And spewed yards and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
@ -11,6 +11,18 @@ Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
%
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Saracen.
She was not oversexed,
Or jealous or vexed,
She just wanted to make a comparison.
%
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
%
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
Wished to foster an aura of menace;
To make people afraid
@ -24,12 +36,24 @@ Was caught and convicted of rape.
From which, to his woe
He couldn't get out with ESC.
%
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
%
A linguist thought it a farce
That memory space was so sparse.
One day they increased it.
Said he as he seized it:
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
%
A new dramatist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
I learn from my spies
He's about to devise
An unprintable three-letter word.
%
A progressive professor named Winners
Held classes each evening for sinners.
They were graded and spaced
@ -42,15 +66,95 @@ Found programming UNIX a hurdle
Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.
%
There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
%
A wonderful bird is the pelican.
His mouth can hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week.
And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
%
Despising machines to a man,
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
And ride out by night
In a sheeting of white
To lynch all the robots they can.
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
%
Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the m"obius strip;
The strip revolved,
The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.
%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
Or some joker who is slicker,
Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
%
Limericks are art forms complex,
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
They usually have virgins,
And masculine urgin's,
And other erotic effects.
%
System/3! System/3!
See how it runs! See how it runs!
Its monitor loses so totally!
It runs all its programs in RPG!
It's made by our favorite monopoly!
System/3!
%
There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.
%
There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
The sword that he used
Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).
%
There once was an old man from Esser,
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a College Professor.
%
There was a young lady from Hyde
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented
The apple fermented
And made cider inside her inside.
%
There was a young lady from Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
%
There was a young man who said "God,
I find it exceedingly odd,
That the willow oak tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad."
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
For I'm always about in the Quad;
And that's why the tree,
Continues to be,"
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
%
There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know.
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
%
A computer called Illiac4
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
It chewed up its cards
And spewed yards and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.
%