Move limericks to limerick file. Sort that and uniq.
This commit is contained in:
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7acf0f4592
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@ -188,13 +188,6 @@ wants to read.
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%
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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A computer, to print out a fact,
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Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
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But this output can be
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No more than debris,
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If the input was short of exact.
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-- Gigo
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%
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A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
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A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
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%
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%
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A CONS is an object which cares.
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A CONS is an object which cares.
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@ -213,12 +206,6 @@ damned things is ample.
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A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
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A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
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-- Ben Franklin
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-- Ben Franklin
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%
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%
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A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
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And had an affair with a Saracen.
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She was not oversexed,
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Or jealous or vexed,
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She just wanted to make a comparison.
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%
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A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
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A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
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lantern.
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lantern.
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-- Edgar A. Shoaff
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-- Edgar A. Shoaff
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@ -257,12 +244,6 @@ architect."
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
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-- Ogden Nash
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-- Ogden Nash
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%
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%
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A dozen, a gross, and a score,
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Plus three times the square root of four,
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Divided by seven,
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Plus five times eleven,
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Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
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%
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A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
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A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
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Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
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Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
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Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
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Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
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@ -381,12 +362,6 @@ A Law of Computer Programming:
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Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
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Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
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will find the programmers cannot write in English.
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will find the programmers cannot write in English.
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%
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%
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A limerick packs laughs anatomical
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Into space that is quite economical.
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But the good ones I've seen
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So seldom are clean,
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And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
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%
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A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
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A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
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nothing.
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nothing.
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-- Alan Perlis
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-- Alan Perlis
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@ -495,12 +470,6 @@ on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed
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loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom
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loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom
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do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
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do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
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%
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%
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A new dramatist of the absurd
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Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
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I learn from my spies
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He's about to devise
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An unprintable three-letter word.
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%
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A new koan:
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A new koan:
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If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
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If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
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@ -754,22 +723,10 @@ in students.
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A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
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A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
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-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
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-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
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%
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%
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A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
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Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
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She found a good way
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To combine work and play:
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She sells C shells by the seashore.
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%
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A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
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A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
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replaces it with.
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replaces it with.
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-- Tennessee Williams
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-- Tennessee Williams
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%
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%
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A very intelligent turtle
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Found programming UNIX a hurdle
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The system, you see,
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Ran as slow as did he,
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And that's not saying much for the turtle.
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%
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A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
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A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
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getting nervous.
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getting nervous.
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%
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@ -3146,13 +3103,6 @@ Dentist, n.:
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coins out of one's pockets.
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coins out of one's pockets.
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-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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%
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%
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Despising machines to a man,
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The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
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And ride out by night
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In a sheeting of white
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To lynch all the robots they can.
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-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
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%
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Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
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Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
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be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
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be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
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the table.
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the table.
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@ -4079,12 +4029,6 @@ granted. If I were you, I'd walk right up and smack them in the face.
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Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
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Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
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-- Robert Firth
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-- Robert Firth
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%
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%
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Flappity, floppity, flip
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The mouse on the m"obius strip;
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The strip revolved,
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The mouse dissolved
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In a chronodimensional skip.
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%
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FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when
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FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when
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the little hand is on the ....
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the little hand is on the ....
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%
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%
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@ -6955,12 +6899,6 @@ the sucker.
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%
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%
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If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
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If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
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%
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%
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If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
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It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
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Or some joker who is slicker,
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Will trick you of your liquor,
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If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
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%
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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
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-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
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-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
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%
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@ -8335,12 +8273,6 @@ Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking
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for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
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for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
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-- Alan McKay
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-- Alan McKay
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%
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%
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Limericks are art forms complex,
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Their topics run chiefly to sex.
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They usually have virgins,
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And masculine urgin's,
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And other erotic effects.
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%
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Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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%
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%
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Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe
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Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe
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@ -11858,13 +11790,6 @@ Swipple's Rule of Order:
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Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
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Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
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-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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%
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%
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System/3! System/3!
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See how it runs! See how it runs!
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Its monitor loses so totally!
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It runs all its programs in RPG!
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It's made by our favorite monopoly!
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System/3!
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%
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Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
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Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
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infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
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infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
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-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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@ -13773,24 +13698,6 @@ There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
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returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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-- Mark Twain
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-- Mark Twain
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%
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%
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There once was a girl named Irene
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Who lived on distilled kerosene
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But she started absorbin'
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A new hydrocarbon
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And since then has never benzene.
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%
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There once was a member of Mensa
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Who was a most excellent fencer.
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The sword that he used
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Was his -- (line is refused,
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And has now been removed by the censor).
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%
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There once was an old man from Esser,
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Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
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It at last grew so small,
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He knew nothing at all,
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And now he's a College Professor.
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%
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There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
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There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
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-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
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-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
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%
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%
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@ -13806,30 +13713,6 @@ said, "Look! We're not solving anything like this! The only fair
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thing to do is to vote on it." So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97
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thing to do is to vote on it." So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97
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votes.
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votes.
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%
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%
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There was a young lady from Hyde
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Who ate a green apple and died.
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While her lover lamented
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The apple fermented
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And made cider inside her inside.
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%
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There was a young man who said "God,
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I find it exceedingly odd,
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That the willow oak tree
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Continues to be,
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When there's no one about in the Quad."
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"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
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For I'm always about in the Quad;
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And that's why the tree,
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Continues to be,"
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Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
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%
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There was a young poet named Dan,
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Whose poetry never would scan.
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When told this was so,
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He said, "Yes, I know.
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It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
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%
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There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
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There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
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both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
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both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
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talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
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talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
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@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
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A computer called Illiac4
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A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
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Had a rather tough bug in its core.
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Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
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It chewed up its cards
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She found a good way
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And spewed yards and yards
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To combine work and play:
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Of illegible tape on the floor.
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She sells C shells by the seashore.
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%
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%
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A computer, to print out a fact,
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A computer, to print out a fact,
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Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
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Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
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@ -11,6 +11,18 @@ Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
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If the input was short of exact.
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If the input was short of exact.
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-- Gigo
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-- Gigo
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%
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%
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A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
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And had an affair with a Saracen.
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She was not oversexed,
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Or jealous or vexed,
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She just wanted to make a comparison.
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%
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A dozen, a gross, and a score,
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Plus three times the square root of four,
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Divided by seven,
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Plus five times eleven,
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Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
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%
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A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
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A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
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Wished to foster an aura of menace;
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Wished to foster an aura of menace;
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To make people afraid
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To make people afraid
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@ -24,12 +36,24 @@ Was caught and convicted of rape.
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From which, to his woe
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From which, to his woe
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He couldn't get out with ESC.
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He couldn't get out with ESC.
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%
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%
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A limerick packs laughs anatomical
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Into space that is quite economical.
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But the good ones I've seen
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So seldom are clean,
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And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
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%
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A linguist thought it a farce
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A linguist thought it a farce
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That memory space was so sparse.
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That memory space was so sparse.
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One day they increased it.
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One day they increased it.
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Said he as he seized it:
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Said he as he seized it:
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"At last! Enough core for the parse".
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"At last! Enough core for the parse".
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%
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%
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A new dramatist of the absurd
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Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
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I learn from my spies
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He's about to devise
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An unprintable three-letter word.
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%
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A progressive professor named Winners
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A progressive professor named Winners
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Held classes each evening for sinners.
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Held classes each evening for sinners.
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They were graded and spaced
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They were graded and spaced
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@ -42,15 +66,95 @@ Found programming UNIX a hurdle
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Ran as slow as did he,
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Ran as slow as did he,
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And that's not saying much for the turtle.
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And that's not saying much for the turtle.
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%
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%
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There was a young lady from Niger
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Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
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They returned from the ride
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With the lady inside,
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And the smile on the face of the tiger.
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%
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A wonderful bird is the pelican.
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A wonderful bird is the pelican.
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His mouth can hold more than his belican.
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His mouth can hold more than his belican.
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He can take in his beak
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He can take in his beak
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Enough food for a week.
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Enough food for a week.
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And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
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And I'm darned if I know how the helican.
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%
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%
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|
Despising machines to a man,
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|
The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
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|
And ride out by night
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|
In a sheeting of white
|
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|
To lynch all the robots they can.
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|
-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
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|
%
|
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|
Flappity, floppity, flip
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|
The mouse on the m"obius strip;
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|
The strip revolved,
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|
The mouse dissolved
|
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|
In a chronodimensional skip.
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|
%
|
||||||
|
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
|
||||||
|
It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
|
||||||
|
Or some joker who is slicker,
|
||||||
|
Will trick you of your liquor,
|
||||||
|
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
|
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|
%
|
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|
Limericks are art forms complex,
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|
Their topics run chiefly to sex.
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They usually have virgins,
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And masculine urgin's,
|
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|
And other erotic effects.
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|
%
|
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|
System/3! System/3!
|
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|
See how it runs! See how it runs!
|
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|
Its monitor loses so totally!
|
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|
It runs all its programs in RPG!
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It's made by our favorite monopoly!
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System/3!
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|
%
|
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|
There once was a girl named Irene
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Who lived on distilled kerosene
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|
But she started absorbin'
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A new hydrocarbon
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|
And since then has never benzene.
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|
%
|
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|
There once was a member of Mensa
|
||||||
|
Who was a most excellent fencer.
|
||||||
|
The sword that he used
|
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|
Was his -- (line is refused,
|
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|
And has now been removed by the censor).
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|
%
|
||||||
|
There once was an old man from Esser,
|
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|
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
|
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|
It at last grew so small,
|
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|
He knew nothing at all,
|
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|
And now he's a College Professor.
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|
%
|
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|
There was a young lady from Hyde
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|
Who ate a green apple and died.
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|
While her lover lamented
|
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|
The apple fermented
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|
And made cider inside her inside.
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|
%
|
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|
There was a young lady from Niger
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|
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
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|
They returned from the ride
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With the lady inside,
|
||||||
|
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
|
||||||
|
%
|
||||||
|
There was a young man who said "God,
|
||||||
|
I find it exceedingly odd,
|
||||||
|
That the willow oak tree
|
||||||
|
Continues to be,
|
||||||
|
When there's no one about in the Quad."
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
|
||||||
|
For I'm always about in the Quad;
|
||||||
|
And that's why the tree,
|
||||||
|
Continues to be,"
|
||||||
|
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
|
||||||
|
%
|
||||||
|
There was a young poet named Dan,
|
||||||
|
Whose poetry never would scan.
|
||||||
|
When told this was so,
|
||||||
|
He said, "Yes, I know.
|
||||||
|
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
|
||||||
|
%
|
||||||
|
A computer called Illiac4
|
||||||
|
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
|
||||||
|
It chewed up its cards
|
||||||
|
And spewed yards and yards
|
||||||
|
Of illegible tape on the floor.
|
||||||
|
%
|
||||||
|
|
Loading…
Reference in New Issue