haiku/data/etc/fortunes/Education

A book is the work of a mind, doing its work in the way that a mind deems best.  That's dangerous.  Is the work of some mere individual mind likely to serve the aims of collectively accepted compromises, which are known in the schools as 'standards'?  Any mind that would audaciously put itself forth to work all alone is surely a bad example for the students, and probably, if not downright antisocial, at least a little off-center, self-indulgent, elitist.  ... It's just good pedagogy, therefore, to stay away from such stuff, and use instead, if film-strips and rap-sessions must be supplemented, 'texts,' selected, or prepared, or adapted, by real professionals.  Those texts are called 'reading material.'  They are the academic equivalent of the 'listening material' that fills waiting-rooms, and the 'eating material' that you can buy in thousands of convenient eating resource centers along the roads.
		-- The Underground Grammarian
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A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
		-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
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A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
		-- G. B. Shaw
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A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.
		-- John Ciardi
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A grammarian's life is always in tense.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
		-- William James
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A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for its species, managed to trap them in a corner.  The children cowered, terrified by this fearsome beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother! Save us!  Save us!  We're scared, Mother!" 
	Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting its children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat, towering huge above them, and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that would have done any Doberman proud.  The startled cat fled in fear for its life.
	As her grateful offspring flocked around her shouting "Oh, Mother, you saved us!" and "Yay!  You scared the cat away!" she turned to them purposefully and declared, "You see how useful it is to know a second language?"
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A Parable of Modern Research:

Bob has lost his keys in a room which is dark except for one brightly lit corner.
"Why are you looking under the light, you lost them in the dark!"
"I can only see here."
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A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
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 A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
		  by Mark Twain

	For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.  Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
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A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
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	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential."
	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.
		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
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A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach
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A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
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A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
		-- John Ciardi
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"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
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About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
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Abstract:
	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29, #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
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Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.
		-- Wallace Sayre
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Academicians care, that's who.
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=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============

To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to  afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute, there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
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An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
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Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
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As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- J.F. Kennedy
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As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
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Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
		-- A. Benjamin
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British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
		-- Peter Ustinov
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... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads -- makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number.
		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
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Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
		-- M. M. Johnston
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Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
		-- David Guaspari
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Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
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Dear Miss Manners:
	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between courses, is all right.  Which is correct?

Gentle Reader:
	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
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Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
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Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
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Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
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Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
		-- Pete Seeger
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Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
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Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
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Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
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Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
		-- Irwin Edman
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Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
		-- B.F. Skinner
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Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.  It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.
		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
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Eloquence is logic on fire.
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Encyclopedia for sale by father.  Son knows everything.
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Engineering:    "How will this work?"
Science:        "Why will this work?"
Management:     "When will this work?"
Liberal Arts:   "Do you want fries with that?"
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Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
		-- Clarence Darrow
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers.  My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.  There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
		-- Flannery O'Connor
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Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.
		-- C.C. Colton
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Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
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F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!
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f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
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f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
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f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
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Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.
		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
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Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
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Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.
		-- Gail Godwin
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Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
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Graduate students and most professors are no smarter than undergrads. They're just older.
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He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.
		-- Benjamin Franklin
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"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him insufferable."
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He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.
		-- Julia Norton McCorkle
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[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.
		-- Ring Lardner
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Higher education helps your earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
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History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
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History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.
		-- Leo Tolstoy
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How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
		-- Elliot, "E.T."
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I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another book.
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"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
		-- English Professor
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I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
		-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University
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I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy, University of Tennessee at Knoxville
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I came out of twelve years of college and I didn't even know how to sew. All I could do was account -- I couldn't even account for myself.
		-- Firesign Theatre
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I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
		-- Blaise Pascal
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"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."
		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
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I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.
		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
		-- Wilson Mizner
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I think your opinions are reasonable, except for the one about my mental instability.
		-- Psychology Professor, Farifield University
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"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."
		-- English Professor, Providence College
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If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.
		-- Edward Holyoke
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If he had only learnt a little less, how infinitely better he might have taught much more!
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
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If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
		-- Tom Robbins
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If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
		-- Pope John Paul I
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If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.  See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective.  Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge.  The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself.  The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
		-- Lily Tomlin
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If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
		-- Wittgenstein
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If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
		-- Marguerite Emmons
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If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
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If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
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If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe?  The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.
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If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
		-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
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If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
		-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
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"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
		-- A. L.
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Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
		-- Franklin K. Dane
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Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
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Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people so resolutely pursuing it. 
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Illiterate?  Write today, for free help!
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	In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, Junior, what are you up to?"
	"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit.
	"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!  No one will publish such rubbish!"
	"Well, follow me and I'll show you."
	They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.  Comes along a wolf.  "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?"
	"I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves."
	"Are you crazy?  Where's your academic honesty?"
	"Come with me and I'll show you."
	As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw.  Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox.

	The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts.
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In California, Bill Honig, the Superintendent of Public Instruction, said he thought the general public should have a voice in defining what an excellent teacher should know.  "I would not leave the definition of math," Dr. Honig said, "up to the mathematicians."
		-- The New York Times, October 22, 1985
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Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything?  If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
		-- The Best of Will Rogers
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Iowa State -- the high school after high school!
		-- Crow T. Robot
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It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."
		-- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman
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It has long been an article of our folklore that too much knowledge or skill, or especially consummate expertise, is a bad thing.  It dehumanizes those who achieve it, and makes difficult their commerce with just plain folks, in whom good old common sense has not been obliterated by mere book learning or fancy notions.  This popular delusion flourishes now more than ever, for we are all infected with it in the schools, where educationists have elevated it from folklore to Article of Belief.  It enhances their self-esteem and lightens their labors by providing theoretical justification for deciding that appreciation, or even simple awareness, is more to be prized than knowledge, and relating (to self and others), more than skill, in which minimum
competence will be quite enough.
		-- The Underground Grammarian
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	It is a profoundly erroneous truism, repeated by all copy-books and by eminent people when they are making speeches, that we should cultivate the habit of thinking about what we are doing.  The precise opposite is the case.  Civilization advances by extending the numbers of important operations which we can perform without thinking about them.  Operations of thought are like cavalry charges in battle -- they are strictly limited in number, they require fresh horses, and must only be made at decisive moments.
		-- Alfred North Whitehead
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It's grad exam time...

COMPUTER SCIENCE
	Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)

MATHEMATICS
	If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.

MEDICINE
	You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)

HISTORY
	Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philisophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.
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It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
		-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
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Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
		-- Snoopy
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Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
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Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
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Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
		-- Confucius
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Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.
		-- Will Rogers
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Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
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My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."
		-- Erich Maria Remarque
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Never have so many understood so little about so much.
		-- James Burke
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Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
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No discipline is ever requisite to force attendance upon lectures which are really worth the attending.
		-- Adam Smith, "The Wealth of Nations"
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No matter who you are, some scholar can show you the great idea you had was had by someone before you.
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No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
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Normally our rules are rigid; we tend to discretion, if for no other reason than self-protection.  We never recommend any of our graduates, although we cheerfully provide information as to those who have failed their courses.
		-- Jack Vance, "Freitzke's Turn"
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Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
		-- Professor, EECS, George Washington University

I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year.
		-- Professor, Harvard, on a  senior thesis.
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`O' LEVEL COUNTER CULTURE
Timewarp allowed: 3 hours.  Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells.  Orange may be worn.  Credit will be given to candidates who self-actualise.

(1) Compare and contrast Pink Floyd with Black Sabbath and say why neither has street credibility.
(2) "Even Buddha would have been hard pushed to reach Nirvana squatting on a juggernaut route."  Consider the dialectic of inner truth and inner city.
(3) Discuss degree of hassle involved in paranoia about being sucked into a black hole.
(4) "The Egomaniac's Liberation Front were a bunch of revisionist ripoff merchants."  Comment on this insult.
(5) Account for the lack of references to brown rice in Dylan's lyrics. 
(6) "Castenada was a bit of a bozo."  How far is this a fair summing up of western dualism?
(7) Hermann Hesse was a Pisces.  Discuss.
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"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
		-- Dr. Joy
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OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
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One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
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"Plaese porrf raed."
		-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
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Practice is the best of all instructors.
		-- Publilius
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Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.  Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco.  It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.
		-- Prof. J.H. Finley '25
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Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130 midterm.  Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam. Newell has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter.  Newell's earned exam average has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%.
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Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
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Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
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Reporter:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
Yogi Berra: "Closed."
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Rules for Good Grammar #4.

 (1) Don't use no double negatives.
 (2) Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
 (3) Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
 (4) About them sentence fragments.
 (5) When dangling, watch your participles.
 (6) Verbs has got to agree with their subjects.
 (7) Just between you and i, case is important.
 (8) Don't write run-on sentences when they are hard to read.
 (9) Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
(10) Try to not ever split infinitives.
(11) It is important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
(12) Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
(13) Correct speling is essential.
(14) A preposition is something you never end a sentence with.
(15) While a transcendant vocabulary is laudable, one must be eternally careful so that the calculated objective of communication does not become ensconsed in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.
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Smartness runs in my family.  When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
		-- George Burns
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Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.
		-- Folk saying
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"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
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Spelling is a lossed art.
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Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck ...
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Teachers have class.
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The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.  Don't ever do this to my eyes again.
		-- Professor Ronald Brady, Philosophy, Ramapo State College
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The alarm clock that is louder than God's own belongs to the roommate with the earliest class.
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The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
		-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
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The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
		-- Nelson Algren, "Writers at Work"
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	"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something.  That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then -- to learn.  Learn why the world wags and what wags it.  That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.  Learning is the only thing for you.  Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
		-- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
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The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
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The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.
		-- Robert M. Hutchins
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The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
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The future is a race between education and catastrophe.
		-- H.G. Wells
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The important thing is not to stop questioning.
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The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
		-- Menander
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The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.
		-- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
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The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
		-- Earl Warren

That men do not learn very much from history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.
		-- Aldous Huxley

We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
		-- Georg Hegel

HISTORY:  Papa Hegel he say that all we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from what happened this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long view.
		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
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The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
		-- Hegel

I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the long view.
		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
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The problem with graduate students, in general, is that they have to sleep every few days.
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The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.
		-- Alberto Moravia
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The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.
		-- Christopher Morley
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"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever."
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The sum of the intelligence of the world is constant.  The population is, of course, growing.
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The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
		-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
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The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
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The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
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The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledegook than the rest of the world put together.
		-- Sir Peter Medawar
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The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
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The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.
		-- E.B. White
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There are no answers, only cross-references.
		-- Weiner
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This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
		-- Winston Churchill
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Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
		-- Aristotle
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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
		-- Hector Berlioz
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To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.
		-- Epictetus
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To craunch a marmoset.
		-- Pedro Carolino, "English as She is Spoke"
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To teach is to learn twice.
		-- Joseph Joubert
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To teach is to learn.
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Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
		-- Charles Schulz
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Trying to get an education here is like trying to get a drink from a fire hose.
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Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
		-- Henry Kissinger
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Walt:	Dad, what's gradual school?
Garp:	Gradual school?
Walt:	Yeah.  Mom says her work's more fun now that she's teaching gradual school.
Garp:	Oh.  Well, gradual school is someplace you go and gradually find out that you don't want to go to school anymore.
		-- The World According To Garp
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"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
		-- Vroomfondel
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We know next to nothing about virtually everything.  It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.
		-- George Will
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We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did.  I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.
		-- Waldo D.R. Dobbs
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	"We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation.  We had crisis, then we went into chaos, and now what do we call this?" said Nicaraguan economist Francisco Mayorga, who holds a doctorate from Yale.
		-- The Washington Post, February, 1988

The New Yorker's comment:
	At Harvard they'd call it a noun.
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What does education often do?  It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
		-- Henry David Thoreau
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What I Did During My Fall Semester

On the first day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
Then I hung out in front of the Dover.

On the second day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
Then I hung out in front of the Dover.

On the third day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
I found a thesis topic:
How to keep people from hanging out in front of the Dover.
		-- Sister Mary Elephant, "Student Statement for Black Friday"
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What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?
		-- Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying"
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What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.
		-- Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals"
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What we do not understand we do not possess.
		-- Goethe
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What's page one, a preemptive strike?
		-- Professor Freund, Communication, Ramapo State College
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When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
		-- Woody Allen
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Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."
		-- Dave Parnas
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Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?
		-- Karl Kraus
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"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
		-- George Ade
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	Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
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You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.
		-- H.H. Munro
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You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
		-- J. D. Salinger
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You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
		-- Alfred Kahn
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"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture"
		-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
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Your education begins where what is called your education is over.