from Lite

games/fortune/Notes

@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+#	@(#)Notes	8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
+
 Warning:
 	The fortunes contained in the fortune database have been collected
 	haphazardly from a cacophony of sources, in number so huge it

games/fortune/README

@@ -1,7 +1,40 @@
-#	@(#)README	5.1 (Berkeley) 6/26/90
+#	@(#)README	8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
 
 The potentially offensive fortunes are not installed by default on BSD
 systems.  If you're absolutely, *positively*, without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt
-sure that your user community wants them installed, change the symbolic
-link "datfiles/fortunes-o" to point to "datfiles/fortunes-o.real.rot13",
-and do a make, followed by a make install.
+sure that your user community wants them installed, whack the Makefile
+in the subdirectory datfiles, and do "make all install".
+
+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
+	Some years ago, my neighbor Avery said to me: "There has not been an
+adequate jokebook published since "Joe_Miller", which came out in 1739 and
+which, incidentally, was the most miserable no-good ... jokebook in the
+history of the printed word."
+	In a subsequent conversation, Avery said: "A funny story is a funny
+story, no matter who is in it - whether it's about Catholics or Protestants,
+Jews or Gentiles, blacks or whites, browns or yellows.  If a story is genuinely
+funny it makes no difference how dirty it is.  Shout it from the rooftops.
+Let the chips fall all over the prairie and let the bonehead wowsers yelp.
+... on them."
+	It is a nice thing to have a neighbor of Avery's grain.  He has
+believed in the aforestated principles all his life.  A great many other
+people nowadays are casting aside the pietistic attitude that has led them
+to plug up their ears against the facts of life.  We of The Brotherhood
+believe as Avery believes; we have never been intimidated by the pharisaical
+meddlers who have been smelling up the American landscape since the time of
+the bundling board.  Neither has any one of our members ever been called a
+racist.  Still, we have been in unremitting revolt against the ignorant
+propensity which ordains, in effect, that "The Green Pastures" should never
+have been written; the idiot attitude which compelled Arthur Kober to abandon
+his delightful Bella Gross, and Octavius Roy Cohen to quit writing about the
+splendiferous Florian Slappey; the moronic frame of mind which, if carried
+to its logical end, would have forbidden Ring Lardner from writing in the
+language of the masses.
+		-- H. Allen Smith, "Rude Jokes"
+
+	... let us keep in mind the basic governing philosophy of The
+Brotherhood, as handsomely summarized in these words: we believe in
+healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if
+needs be.
+	Needs be.
+		-- H. Allen Smith, "Rude Jokes"

games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes

@@ -1,7 +1,5 @@
 !07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
 %
-!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
-%
 (1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
 (2) Great generals are forewarned.
 (3) Forewarned is forearmed.
@@ -256,7 +254,7 @@ A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
 A dozen, a gross, and a score,
 Plus three times the square root of four,
 	Divided by seven,
-	Plus five time eleven,
+	Plus five times eleven,
 Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
 %
 A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
@@ -1538,7 +1536,7 @@ supposed to be doing at the moment.
 		-- Robert Benchley
 %
 Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
+		-- Publius Syrus
 %
 Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with
 none.
@@ -2284,18 +2282,6 @@ Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
 	    perfectly balanced.
 	(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
 		-- Robert Burns
-%
-	... But among the children of the Great Society there were
-those whose skins were black.  And lo!  Their portion was niggardly,
-and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat ...
-	Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and
-they called him King.  And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my
-people go to the front of the bus."
-	But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all
-deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass.  When ye shall prove
-yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like
-unto a snowball in Hell."
-		-- "The Begatting of a President"
 %
 ... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
 easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed
@@ -3598,7 +3584,7 @@ Electrocution, n.:
 %
 Elevators smell different to midgets
 %
-Emersons' Law of Contrariness:
+Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
 	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
 can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
 %
@@ -4729,9 +4715,9 @@ the morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at
 night!
 		-- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
 %
-God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh
+God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
 %
-God is a polythiest
+God is a polytheist.
 %
 God is Dead
 		-- Nietzsche
@@ -5709,9 +5695,9 @@ of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the
 United States would have lost World War II."
 		-- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"
 %
-	"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frodo in a quavering
-voice.
-	"No," Said Gandalf, "but I can.  The letters are Elvish, of
+	"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a
+quavering voice.
+	"No," said GoodGulf, "but I can.  The letters are Elvish, of
 course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which
 I will not utter here.  They are lines of a verse long known in
 Elven-lore:
@@ -5724,6 +5710,7 @@ Elven-lore:
 	The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
 	If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
 	If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
+		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
 %
 " I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
 instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
@@ -12452,7 +12439,7 @@ gave up.
 	"But a herring isn't green!"  I protested.
 	"Paint it."
 	"But a herring isn't wet."
-	"If its just painted its still wet."
+	"If it's just painted it's still wet."
 	"But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, "-- a herring
 doesn't whistle!!"
 	"Right, " smiled my father.  "I just put that in to make it
@@ -16149,7 +16136,7 @@ about 10^12 to 1.
 %
 You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
 freedom and liberty.
-		-- Henrik Ibson
+		-- Henrik Ibsen
 %
 You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that,
 contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from

games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.fake

@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+There are no potentially offensive fortunes installed on this
+system.  For further details, contact your system administrator.

games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real

@@ -1488,7 +1488,6 @@ The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis".  This is true in
 almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people
 have attempted to explain why.  Usually these explanations get bogged
 down in silly puns about "standing erect".
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of shit.
 %
@@ -2016,3 +2015,15 @@ into your coffee.  You:
 "You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying
 to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently."
 		-- J. Wainwright, Mathematics 140b
+%
+	... But among the children of the Great Society there were
+those whose skins were black.  And lo!  Their portion was niggardly,
+and of the fatted calf they were sucking hind teat ...
+	Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and
+they called him King.  And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my
+people go to the front of the bus."
+	But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all
+deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass.  When ye shall prove
+yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like
+unto a snowball in Hell."
+		-- "The Begatting of a President"

games/fortune/tools/Do_spell

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 #!/bin/sh -
 #
-#	@(#)Do_spell	5.2 (Berkeley) 4/8/91
+#	@(#)Do_spell	8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
 #
 
 F=_spell.$$

games/fortune/tools/Do_troff

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 #!/bin/csh -f
 #
-#	@(#)Do_troff	5.4 (Berkeley) 4/8/91
+#	@(#)Do_troff	8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
 #
 
 set file=$1

games/fortune/tools/do_sort

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+#! /bin/sh
+#
+#	@(#)do_sort	8.1 (Berkeley) 5/31/93
+#
+# an aggressive little script for sorting the fortune files
+# depends on octal 02 and 03 not being anywhere in the files.
+
+sp="/usr/bin/sort -bdfu -T /var/tmp"
+
+sed 's/^%$//' | tr '\12' '\3' | tr '\2' '\12' | $sp | sed 'a\
+	%' | sed -e 's/^//' -e 's/$//' | tr '\3' '\12'