Aren
/
NetBSD
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

Move limericks to limerick file. Sort that and uniq.

This commit is contained in:
mjl 2003-05-08 17:25:48 +00:00
parent 386e6f0451
commit 46e0a4e1f1
2 changed files with 99 additions and 356 deletions
Show Stats Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

298
games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
View File

@ -2,18 +2,6 @@
69 with two fingers up your ass.
-- George Carlin
%
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I'm quite wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
%
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree."
But another, more sane,
Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
And covered his pants leg with pee.
%
A bureaucracy is like a septic tank -- all the really big shits float
to the top.
%
@ -35,12 +23,6 @@ A hard man is good to find.
%
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
%
A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call.
%
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
scruples and the police.
@ -58,58 +40,16 @@ A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
called a liberal.
%
A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
%
A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.
%
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is
having fun.
%
A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep
up with yesterday.
%
A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love the whole day
In the usual way
And save up the nights for perversions.
%
A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire blind out of malice.
While this worthy had fits
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%
A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
%
A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
When she clamored for more
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
%
A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
drawers.
-- Blind Lemon Pledge
%
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
%
A.I. hackers do it with robots.
%
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
@ -154,12 +94,6 @@ America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it
wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
-- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
%
An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection --
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%
An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
@ -608,12 +542,6 @@ finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
%
He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
%
He hated to mend, so young Ned
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
Her husband said, "Vi,
When you stitched his torn fly,
Did you have to bite off the thread?"
%
He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor -- Hell, they
_H_A_D to make him President of the United States. It's the only job he's
qualified for!
@ -704,12 +632,6 @@ I hope he fries in Hell.
%
I love this fucking University, and this University loves fucking me.
%
I once met a lassie named Ruth
In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection
Of an ideal connection
Even if somewhat uncouth.
%
I own my own body, but I share.
%
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
@ -871,12 +793,6 @@ growth of the Laboratories."
And the Captain looked down upon the Project, and He saw that
it was Good!
%
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
%
Incest, n.:
Sibling revelry.
%
@ -1051,12 +967,6 @@ Ocean, n.:
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
man -- who has no gills.
%
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
%
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold,
the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
@ -1259,30 +1169,6 @@ any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
%
Ronald Reagan -- America's favorite placebo
%
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus.
%
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
"Try as hard as I can,
I can't find a man
That it's fun to be virtuous with."
%
Said Einstein, "I have an equation
Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
Let _V be virginity
Approaching infinity;
Let _P be a constant persuasion;
"Let _V over _P be inverted
With the square root of _M_u inserted
_N times into _V ...
The result, Q.E.D.,
Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
%
Save Soviet Jewry -- Win Valuable Prizes!!!!
%
Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
@ -1527,184 +1413,6 @@ There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
There is a God, but He drinks.
-- Blore
%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
%
There once was a feisty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
%
There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
%
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
%
There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
%
There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
%
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
%
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru
Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
%
There once was a Scot named McAmeter
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
It was not the size
That cause such surprise;
'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
%
There was a bluestocking in Florence
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
Till a Spanish grandee,
Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
%
There was a gay countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That in spite of high station,
Rank and education,
She always spelled cunt with a "k".
%
There was a young fellow named Bliss
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
For even with Venus
His recalcitrant penis
Would never do better than t
h
i
s
.
%
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
%
There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
%
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
%
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
There was never a sound
For miles around
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
%
There was a young lad name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His father said, "Durcan!
Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
%
There was a young lady from Maine
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
But you knew from the view,
As her abdomen grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
%
There was a young lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
At least so I thought
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin losing air.
%
There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught on fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.
%
There was a young lady named Twiss
Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
For it tickled her bum
And caused her to come
.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
%
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau
"Just look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
%
There was a young man from Bel-Air
Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
%
There was a young man named Crockett
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
And she threw the switch,
As Crockett went off like a rocket.
%
There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
%
There was a young man of St. John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those birds are reserved for the dons."
%
There was a young whore from Kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!"
%
There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
%
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
%
There were the Scots
Who kept the Sabbath
And everything else they could lay their hands on.
@ -1913,12 +1621,6 @@ would be before she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't
thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first
patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!"
%
While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
She explained, "They are flat,
But think nothing of that --
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
%
White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall. That way, by the
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.

157
games/fortune/datfiles/limerick-o.real
View File

@ -64,6 +64,12 @@ By breezes that left her quite nude,
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
%
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I'm quite wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
%
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree."
But another, more sane,
@ -723,7 +729,7 @@ A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call...
Is his phone number -- give him a call.
%
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine.
@ -877,6 +883,12 @@ Was raped in a pasture by seven
And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
%
A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
%
A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
@ -930,6 +942,12 @@ They have such peculiar diversions.
In the regular way,
And save up the nights for perversions.
%
A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love the whole day
In the usual way
And save up the nights for perversions.
%
A responsive young girl from the East
In bed was an able artiste.
She had learned two positions
@ -1080,6 +1098,12 @@ Called te umpire blind out of malice.
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%
A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire blind out of malice.
While this worthy had fits
The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%
A teenage protester named Lil
Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill
First they bugged our martinis,
@ -1172,6 +1196,12 @@ Had a hole as big as a basket.
In it now, you could hide,
And include with your luggage your mascot.
%
A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
When she clamored for more
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
%
A widow whose singular vice
Was to keep her late husband on ice
Said, "It's been hard since I lost him --
@ -1197,12 +1227,6 @@ Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer:
Between these lips covered with hair."
%
A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
%
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
@ -1432,7 +1456,7 @@ As soon as the service is through."
An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection-
Three kinds of erection --
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
%
An ardent young man named Magruder
@ -1776,12 +1800,6 @@ Looked for true love in the stable.
Now she's out with the leg of a table.
%
For the sores on his prick he used Dial.
That failed; he gave Lava a trial.
But the one remedy
For contagious V.D.
Is the wonder drug sulfa-denial.
%
For the sores on his prick he used Dial.
That failed; he gave Lava a trial.
But the one remedy
For contagious V.D.
@ -1850,6 +1868,12 @@ And the scandal that's currently concerning'em?
Of the bishop while he was confirming 'em?
%
He hated to mend, so young Ned
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
Her husband said, "Vi,
When you stitched his torn fly,
Did you have to bite off the thread?"
%
He hated to mend, so young Ned
Called in a cute neighbor instead.
Her husband said, "Vi,
When you stitched up his torn fly,
@ -1922,13 +1946,6 @@ I don't so much care for a door,
Is getting to be quite a bore!
-- Gelett Burgess
%
I wish that my room had a floor;
I don't so much care for a door,
But this walking around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore!
-- Gelett Burgess
%
I wonder what my wife will want tonight;
Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?
I wonder can she tell
@ -2038,6 +2055,12 @@ Complacently stroking his madam,
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
%
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the bust of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
%
In the case of a lady named Frost,
Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost,
It's the best part of valor
@ -2112,12 +2135,6 @@ But then, at the very first touch,
At frigging and fucking and such.
%
Oh pity the prince, Montezuma
He tried to make love to a puma.
Seems the puma, in play,
Tore his testes away -
- An example of animal huma.
%
Oh pity the prince, Montezuma
He tried to make love to a puma.
Seems the puma, in play,
Tore his testes away --
@ -2159,7 +2176,7 @@ His girl got a yen for fellatio.
He tried cunnilingus
But the cops ran 'em off of that patio.
%
Once a young gay from Khartoum,
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
@ -2226,6 +2243,18 @@ With the square root of Mu inserted
The result, Q.E.D.,
Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
%
Said Einstein, "I have an equation
Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
Let _V be virginity
Approaching infinity;
Let _P be a constant persuasion;
"Let _V over _P be inverted
With the square root of _M_u inserted
_N times into _V ...
The result, Q.E.D.,
Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
%
Said Francesca, "My lack of volition
Is leading me straight to perdition;
But I haven't the strength
@ -2303,8 +2332,8 @@ And I'll soon tell those fuckers to stow it."
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
"Try as hard as I can,
I can't find a man
That it's fun to be virtuous with!"
I can't find a man
That it's fun to be virtuous with."
%
Said crew girl Angelica Bauer :
"The captain's withdrawn, cold, and sour."
@ -2782,6 +2811,12 @@ Who soon found her fucking the pony.
Sighed she, "Just a yard-long bologna."
%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used library paste,
@ -2805,6 +2840,12 @@ Who encircled his cock with lifesavers.
That their asses were maimed,
Sixy-niners all cheered the new flavors.
%
There once was a feisty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
%
There once was a fellow named Bob
Who in sexual ways was a snob.
One day he was swimmin'
@ -3125,6 +3166,12 @@ Who could put it up to her kidney.
Put it up to her neck;
He had a big one, now didn't he?
%
There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
%
There once was a man named Lodge,
who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
When his date was strapped in,
@ -3179,11 +3226,11 @@ A person of dubious gender.
For permission to view
His remarkable double pudenda.
%
There once was a plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
%
There once was a pretty young Mrs.
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
@ -3989,6 +4036,12 @@ Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.
And united the organs they pissed with.
%
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
%
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
@ -4170,12 +4223,6 @@ Made a fortune performing at stud,
A double-beat metre,
And a load like the Biblical Flood.
%
There was a young lad - name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His father said, "Durcan
Stop jerkin' your gherkin
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
%
There was a young lad from Nahant
Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
When asked, "Do you fuck?"
@ -4657,12 +4704,6 @@ Who was known to the public as "Jez."
She excelled at (so everyone says).
%
There was a young lady of Gaza
Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
The crabs, in a lump,
Made tracks to her rump -
This passing parade did amaze her.
%
There was a young lady of Gaza
Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor.
The crabs, in a lump,
Made tracks to her rump--
@ -4719,7 +4760,7 @@ His whang while it sang a duet.
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau
"Just look at me Joe
"Just look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
%
There was a young lady of Rhyll
@ -4806,6 +4847,12 @@ Who had strange ideas about marriage.
And sucked off her brother
And ate up her sister's miscarriage.
%
There was a young man from Bel-Air
Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
%
There was a young man from Bel-Aire
Who was screwing his girl on the stair.
But the banister broke
@ -4987,6 +5034,12 @@ Whose penis rose higher and higher,
But of course you know I'm a liar.
%
There was a young man named Crockett
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
And she threw the switch,
As Crockett went off like a rocket.
%
There was a young man named Crockett
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
Yeah, she threw the switch,
@ -5683,12 +5736,6 @@ Whose prick was remarkably short.
The old woman said,
"That isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
%
There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
"That isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
%
There was an old man who said, "Tush!
My balls always hang in the brush,
And I fumble about,
@ -6124,9 +6171,3 @@ I loathed. Etna was crawling with lava.
And the band, they did not know la java."
-- Edward Gorey
%
A bad little girl in Madrid,
A most reprehensible kid,
Told her Tante Louise
That her cunt smelled like cheese,
And the worst of it was that it did!
%